Good Questions

 One of the critical needs of the next generation is to develop the ability to do critical thinking.  Their embrace of social and digital media dumbs down the information that they absorb (or not).  Without actually retaining lessons of civics, history, or any other topic, they are ill-equipped to articulate or even discuss topics that have nuances beyond a headline.

As stated in a recent Harvard Business Review (HBR) “Critical thinking is the ability to analyze and effectively break down an issue in order to make a decision or find a solution.”

The author goes on to say that at the heart of critical thinking is the ability to “formulate deep, different and effective questions.”  I agree.  In fact, one of the tasks of a mentor is to help the next generation develop the ability to ask good questions. It is an art, not a science and it takes some practice and patience.

I have written often about both dealing with questions and critical thinking which are traits to be learned by the next generation.  They have to rise above digital media and have face to face interactions during both of these (less so with critical thinking).  

The HBR article links the two of these.  I came across it recently and felt it contained good advice for both the mentor and the next generation. It’s premise, summarized above, is about developing the skill of asking good questions to lead you to good decisions or a solution. 

The HBR article by John Coleman is from a talk by Clayton Christianson, author of the book How Will You Measure Your Life.  I plan to do a post from that book in the future.  In the talk, he reminisced over how he approached being an MBA student years before.  His lessons are valuable.

He realized that the MBA School was where he learned to ask good questions. In class, he would write down insightful questions asked by other students, and then study them later to understand how they were formulated.

He came away with several steps that he suggests will help all – mentors and mentee’s alike – to ask better questions.  The first of these is to “hold your hypothesis loosely.”  

The idea is that if you are too attached to your initial answer, you might not be able to modify your assumptions when the data leads to someplace else. “Critical questions, however, may force us to fundamentally reconsider our initial conclusions, and we have to be willing to do so freely without defensiveness.”

The second step is to “listen more than talk”.  Reminds me of the saying that God gave you two ears and only one mouth and maybe he was trying to tell you something.  Abraham Lincoln, borrowing from Proverbs 17 above, put it this way: “Better to remain silent and be thought of as a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”

The point is that active listening is a key to good questions. Even I have to slow down in conversations and double my intensity at listening.  Successful listening permits you to “fully grasp an argument” which will permit you to test its logic. 

The third is one of the better steps. Always ask open ended questions.  Questions that can be answered by yes or no lead nowhere. “Do you like your job?” would be replaced by something like “Tell me the thing you love about your job and what could be better?”  I think you can see how the responses will differ.

The open-ended questions also can encourage group critical thinking, which is a very valuable tool. Alternatively, another step is to consider something that is counter intuitive. The latter is really an antidote to groupthink, where the group seems to be going in one direction and no one challenges that direction or their assumptions.  You need to be unafraid to pose the question. 

The next step is to “stew in the problem”.  Be less quick to answer or question until after you have pondered the problem or issue over time.  That’s been a key for me over the years. Many a time I have had some almost insoluble issue, which, after a good night’s rest, had an obvious answer come to mind.” Sleep can actually help your brain assimilate a problem and see it more clearly”.

Rather than diagnosing the answer in the moment, Christenson found it better resist urgency and instead “stew” on the issues over a period of time. 

And lastly, develop an ability to ask a hard follow-up question. It might be more convenient to take the first answer and let it rest, but often the nuance of the issue may need follow-up questions.  You might have observed children always asking “why?”  This is the same idea only at an adult level.

MENTOR TAKEAWAY:   We can all learn to ask better questions, and by working with your mentee, both of you can learn better ways of asking good questions.

FURTHER READING:

Critical Thinking is about Asking Better Questions – HBR

How Will You Measure Your Life?  – Christenson

WORSHIP:  King of Kings – Hillsong

For more information about Mentor Link, go to www.mentorlink.org.

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Know Thyself

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29:11

Over the past 6 or so years, I have writing on almost every aspect of mentoring, from basic stuff like what is a mentor and what does he do to reviewing issues (including cultural ones) affecting the next generation.  When I started, we were dealing with millennials – a generation which covers the age group from 23 to 40 now.

Then came Generation Z (or Gen Z) which is now in high school and starting to hit the workplace. They are roughly the age group of 16 to 23.  They have similarities to millennials, but they are also different.  Their maturity, in some cases, is stunted.  Both have very short attention spans.

They also communicate digitally -either by text, IM or on social media.  There is a downside to the digital connection including how it limits direct interpersonal relationships.  The loss of those relationships has led the next generation to be the most anxious, stressed and depressed generation.  They lack the safety net of community.

In my early posts I wrote about the process of mentoring from the first meeting to the ongoing process of walking beside your mentee as he makes life choices and sets goals.  I also touched on the concept of having discipline in pursuing your passion and goals. Without discipline, according to Dean Smith a Hall of Fame basketball coach, one will never succeed.   

Early in life, everyone goes through a process where they are seeking to find their identity.  Given that close to half of millennials don’t believe in God, one of the things a mentor can do is to help them develop a spiritual identity.  In fact, that may be the most important contribution a mentor can make. 

The title of this post comes from an article that I recently saw which reminded me that this topic will never grow old. It is written by an educator and is titled “Know Thyself First; Then Pick a Career Path”.

Written by Michael Petrilli, a former educator, it contains very practical advice on new tools to help the next generation develop a sense of their identity, as well as to point towards possible directions to take with a better sense of what ones competencies are at in terms of passion, gifts, and talents.  

The title comes from Aristotle some 2,500 years ago: “Knowing thyself is the beginning of all wisdom.” Sounds a lot like the wisdom writings emanating from Solomon in Ecclesiastes and Proverbs.

He raises an important point: one of the key things that a mentor can do for the next generation is to help them in their career paths and other life decisions, particularly in a turbulent economic time.  Often, at the end of graduation (either high school or college), graduates get platitudes encouraging you to follow your dream.

Your graduation speech might so far as to say things like “With grit and determination, you can do anything.” Really?  Well, I can tell you I can’t dunk a basketball even though I am pretty tall, so going out for a college or pro career is probably not going to succeed no matter how hard I work.

The “blank canvas” really isn’t so blank. Each mentee has a set of gifts, talents, physical characteristics, and ambitions.  On the one hand, those are to be exploited in life. On the other hand, they are a tool to help one to hone-in on what you do best.

My generation was accustomed to using tools like Myers-Briggs personality test. It is free and useful today even though it has been around for over a half century. There are other tests that are newer which are profiled in Petrilli’s article. You can look them up.

The bible has a lot to say about spiritual gifting and those passages make it clear that not everyone (except Jesus) had all of the spiritual gifts. I, for example, do not have the spiritual gift of helps.  My wife does, so that balances us out. 

Even without those tools, a mentor’s role is to spend enough time with a mentee to help them figure out what they are good at, what they are not so good at, and where they might be headed. You often don’t have to use diagnostic tools – your own experiences will help you form an opinion of what the mentee’s skills, gifts and talents are.  You just have to be patient and spend time.  

As someone said this morning in my bible study, God is more concerned about your availability than your ability. Spending time with a mentee may be the most valuable gift you can give to another human.  

MENTOR TAKEAWAY: The next generation will always need guidance from someone they trust. You can fill that role.

FURTHER READING: First Know Thyself; Then Pick a Career Path – Petrilli

Why Aristotle Said Knowing Thyself is the Beginning of All Wisdom – Thomas Oppong

WORSHIP:  Lord I Need You – Matt Maher

For more information about Mentor Link, go to www.mentorlink.org.

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Suicide Crisis

Nevertheless God, who comforts the downcast, comforted us through the coming of Titus, and not only by his coming, but also by the comfort with which he was comforted in you.    2 Corinthians 7:6

Like pornography, suicide ranks low on my scale of things that I want to write about, but it is so important and pressing as a cultural issue today that I have to say something.

I did a quick search of my posts over the past 6 years, and the terms suicide is mentioned in 37 blogs. What brought this to mind was a doctor who has had 3 patients commit suicide since the beginning of this year. In his entire 18 -year practice, he never had one before.  

That set off alarm bells for him to alert his patients that mental health issues are important and to provide them resources through his medical practice.  As he said, “something is going on”. Some studies from NIH have linked the pandemic to increased suicides. 

Add to that anecdote the two recent suicides by two teens who had been going to Young Life here in the Sandhills.  I mentor the Young Life director and he was devastated that he didn’t pick up on the clues, some of which, like depression, can be so subtle that even an expert might miss them.

This is not just an American issue by the way. I was surprised to find that it is an international issue.  According to the website Suicide.Org:

• Over 1 million people die from suicide worldwide each year.
• The global suicide rate is 16 per 100,000 population
• On average, one person dies from suicide in the world every 40 seconds
• 1.8% of deaths worldwide are suicides
• Global suicide rates have increased 60% in the past 45 years

That’s pretty sobering.  The topic of suicides first was brought to my attention in my study of the millennials who are now age 24 to 40 or so. In general, they were a more anxious generation than their predecessor generation.  They also exhibited high degrees of depression.  They came into the work world in the face of the recession of 2008 resulting in a very difficult job market which only added to their stresses.

Then, Gen Z comes along in the millennial’s footsteps. Most were determined not to be like the millennials, but in many ways, they are similar due to their digital obsessions.  Social media can be used for good, but it often isolates people from having face to face interactions. That isolation can breed anxiety, depression, and lead to mental issues and suicidal thoughts. 

Our mental health safety net doesn’t appear to be robust enough to handle this crisis  There is a national suicide hotline, but apparently, due to staffing shortages, millions of calls don’t result in a connection to a trained counselor. 

I remember reading a book about suicide some 40 years ago, and what struck me then was that it is clear that the human instinct of self-preservation is very strong, and almost every person that has attempted suicide doesn’t really want to die. The thoughts that bring them to think of suicide are often a result of depression or substance abuse leading them to a feeling of hopelessness and despair. 

I know that is true because I struggled with depression 30 years ago and actually had my suicidal thoughts. It really scared me that I could even think that way, but it goes to show how depression can subvert your normal instincts into something that is irrational. 

I recently heard of a person who considered suicide but was brought back to their senses through their connection with their doctor who was sensitive to mental health issues and was looking for warning signs. That’s how community can help those in need. 

The last three resources under Further Reading below give some practical suggestions and good advice on what to look for as to symptoms and help.  Our church has a counseling center which provides counseling on all kinds of issues. Not every church has those types of resources. 

Given that our mental health resources are taxed and not working that well, we need to think about community – the community of friends, doctors, family, and mentors – who can come along side those who have suicidal thoughts. Just learning to look for the signs is a good start. 

The next generation is highly susceptible to suicidal thoughts – for lots of reasons. They are one of the most vulnerable groups, and it is up to each of us to do our part.

MENTOR TAKEAWAY:  It’s important for every mentor to take time and learn what to look for when it comes to suicide.  It is preventable in some cases, but often people don’t know what to look for.

FURTHER READING

One in Four teenage suicides Involves the internet (2019) – Telegraph

Why are Therapists Rarely Trained in Suicide?  (2020) – USA Today

Dad Whose 12-year-Old Son Died of Suicide amid Pandemic Warns Parents: ‘No One Saw This Coming’ – People

Rise in Suicides by Young Children Leaves Families Searching for Answers (2022) -WSJ

Teen Gender Transition and Suicide – A New Study Complicates the Debate – NR

Millions of Calls to Suicide Helpline End without Reaching a Counselor – WSJ

What is 988? Behind the New Health Crisis Lifeline Number – WSJ

Why is Suicide so Common Among College Students – 

Can we expect an increase of Suicides after Covid – NCBI

Five Common Myths About Suicide – NAMI

Warning Signs of Suicidal Thoughts and Behavior – Johns Hopkins

WORSHIP:  Graves to Gardens – Elevation Worship

For more information about Mentor Link, go to www.mentorlink.org.

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Careers

All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty. Commit your work to the Lord, and your plans will be established. Proverbs 14:23

This will be a shorter post than most.  I have been a little under the weather for the first part of the week which has set me back in my blogging. Normally I have a topic by Tuesday (I call it “Topic Tuesday”) and will work on writing it on and off for the next couple of days. 

This week, I was in bed all Monday and Tuesday sleeping, so I missed my normal warm up.

I chose the title Careers for a reason – some of it to do with our current economic environment. My own career spanned 45 years in law practice during which time I saw economic cycles of boom and bust come and go. I lived through the recession and high inflation of the 1970’s. Ditto for the recession in the US coming from the financial institutional failure in the late 1980’s.

Then, another recession starting in 2008 due to a housing bubble that went bust. I won’t go into the reasons for each of those, but those downturns are instructive as to what we now facing in a post-Covid high inflation environment.  High inflation is not just an American phenomenon – it is affecting Europe and other parts of the world as well.  

High energy prices are one root cause because it makes the logistics of transporting goods all that more expensive which gets passed on to the consumer in the form of higher prices. 

I have been a student of the economy for 60 years. It was my minor in college.  Without sounding too dire, I believe we are in for a period of worsening economies around the world. The energy crises have triggered a free fall, and supply chains around the world have been disrupted.  

We are headed for (actually I think we are already in one) a recession, the technical definition of which is a shrinking economy for two consecutive calendar quarters. When the economy contracts, businesses adjust by cutting back their production to adjust for declining sales prospects. Cutting back on the expenses also includes laying off employees. 

The most vulnerable employees are always the last ones who were hired.  That means that in the foreseeable future, the next generation will see jobs and opportunities disappear that were there just months before. Getting jobs will be harder and harder, and only the best candidates will succeed.  Careers that were hoped for may have to be put in hold until this economic cycle concludes.

As a mentor, I see these trends pretty clearly. It’s a cycle, but this time it may be deeper and broader than before – possibly as deep as the depression of the 1930’s.  That means that the next generation – particularly Generation Z – need to be prepared for alternatives that they hadn’t counted on.

The millennials faced something similar as many of them were entering the workforce in 2008-2010 when we were in a recession.  Jobs were scarce, and many were forced to improvise and take service jobs in industries unrelated to their education or training. 

That experience may occur again where you see college graduates become Uber drivers or working in the food service industry as waiters.  They are overqualified for those jobs, but making a living sometimes means you have to start from a different place than you wanted. Some in the next generation have gotten used to not working and have lived off government largesse rather than returning to the workforce. 

As mentors, we need to be prepared to help the next generation get over this economic bump in the road.  Instead of a brick wall, they need to see a struggling economy as a challenge to overcome. 

They might need someone to help them think outside the box and consider options they might not have thought about. Some of those options may be to just consider entering into a sector of the economy that is more recession proof, such as nursing or health care.

They need to think long term – not just about the immediate future of finding a job in their chosen career in a difficult job market but to use the time as a stepping-stone to something else. That takes a little thinking and creativity, something that a mentor can provide who has been around the block, so to speak. 

From a spiritual standpoint, the song that I chose shows how God can transform a grave into a garden.  We should always keep our eternal perspective during tough times.  I love this chorus: “there is nothing better than You [Lord]”.

MENTOR TAKEAWAY:  Mentors need to be prepared to help their mentees during different economic times. They can be a gateway for clear thinking by helping their mentee see things from a longer perspective and have them incrementally work towards their goals.

FURTHER READING: 

Americans Have Gotten Used to Not Working – Federalist

WORSHIP:  Graves to Gardens – Elevation Worship

For more information about Mentor Link, go to www.mentorlink.org.

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Lost Days

But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days.  2 Timothy 3:1

The title is actually a play on words.  For many of you who look at our culture, we seem to be in the Last Days, but I am referring to them as “lost days” for a reason.  It’s a Romans 1 world where pretty much anything goes. 

Bill Muehlenberg, an Australian Christian writer who writes a blog titled Culture Watch, did a post on Atheism and how it relates to Romans 1, which has a stark picture of what the lost world will look like in the last days. It is worth a read.

We live in a broken world. That’s not news, but it has become so polarized that just speaking about it is risky.  The next generation have taken their self-centeredness to a new level. They are afraid of discussing real issues and often try to censor the other side. That’s where “trigger warnings” came into play.  

If they don’t like what you have to say, instead of trying to understand your view, you are vilified and shut off.  Their feelings dictate over reasoned analysis. There is no critical thinking going on.

I struggled to come up with a topic for this post. I have so many issues about our culture racing around in my head.  When you look around, everything seems to be upside down. The values that were dear to my generation – faith, family and democracy – are all on the line.  

We have seen a level of indoctrination in our school systems that is hard to imagine just 20 years ago. You would think that public educators would be focused on trying to educate our students to thrive on their own in the world. You would be wrong, and so many public-school systems are failing despite massive amounts of money being spent.

Instead, the public education system has turned to pushing DEI ideology.  That stands for Diversity, Equity and Inclusion.  It has crept into our government, colleges and military, too.  The DEI doctrine is the antithesis of what our children should be learning.  Many parents were surprised to learn that school curriculums have included this, and the teacher’s unions and board of educations around the country have tried to hide it from parents.

Their response to parents who object is almost laughable.  They have told parents that they are not to concern themselves with their child’s education. Really?  Terry McAuliffe, an unsuccessful candidate for Governor of Virginia, even campaigned on that premise.  He said: “I don’t think parents should be telling schools what they should teach.”

Fortunately, he lost the election.  The concept that McAuliffe espoused is a form of socialist thought which says that the state, not the parents, are in control of your children.  It is Marxism 101.  

You see other aspects of this as schools embrace a gender ideology that advances the idea that children can make their own determination of their gender identity.   Schools have advanced that broadly and tried to keep parents from finding out by keeping it a secret. You can’t make this up.

In New York, parents were upset when they learned that the public school system spent $200,000 on promoting drag queens in schools.  As Billy Graham once noted in 1983, “I have heard the distant sound of hoofbeats. I have seen the evil riders on the horizons of our lives.”

On other fronts, I find the daily news a little unnerving. Danger is around every corner. In Tennessee a sheriff warned against picking up a folded dollar bill  which might be laced with fentanyl. If that wasn’t all, teens are buying fentanyl on social media looking for other pills but laced with a deadly amount of fentanyl.  

Overdoses are now a leading cause of death for young people.  Over 105,000 died from drug overdoses in the year ending October 2021, and 85% are from synthetic opioids like fentanyl.

And fentanyl is not the only issue endangering the next generation. When marijuana first came on the cultural scene in the 1960’s, it had a THC level of around 3%. Now, as states have increasingly permitted “recreational” use, the THC level can reach 100% resulting in harmful results, particularly for young people whose brains are still developing.

Symptoms include addiction and uncontrollable vomiting. In adolescents, high doses of cannabis “could possibly lead to a lifelong psychiatric disorder, an increased likelihood of developing depression and suicidal ideation changes in brain anatomy and connectivity and poor memory.”  That’s scary stuff for the next generation, and something for every parent and mentor to be concerned about.

And then we have a Gallop poll survey that shows that most Americans think it is morally acceptable to have an abortion.  Michael New, a pro-life scholar, attributes the shift to an increase in “moral acceptability” of a range of issues that pertain sexual conduct and sexuality. 

What a slippery slope we live on. Faith is being watered down. We should remember that the bible provides warnings as well as redemption and hope. We live in a broken world, and it’s our jobs as believers to communicate the hope that we have to the next generation.  If they only hear what the world has to say, they will be lost.

MENTOR TAKEAWAY:  A principal mission for every mentor is to communicate the good news to those around us, especially to mentees with whom you have a relationship. They might not hear it any other way.

FURTHER READING:  

Romans 1 and Atheism – Muehlenberg

Teens Buying Drugs on Social Media and Sales are Booming – WND

Melting Down and Running Out of Time – WND

Schools Charging Exorbitant Fees ..To Keep Info Out of Parents Reach

The Sound of Approaching Hoofbeats – Brentner

Fentanyl Use is Empowering?  WSJ

As Weed Becomes More Potent, Teens are Getting Sick – DNYUZ

Most Americans Think Abortion is Morally Acceptable – Christian Post

WORSHIP: Lord, I Need You – Maher