Empathy

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. Psalm 91:4

This may be more of a “guy” thing since our brains are not wired like women.  Still, I thought I would tackle this because I see in today’s culture a lack of civility and therefore a lack of empathy for other people.   In a research paper, empathy is described as “understanding and caring for the emotions of other people”. The paper goes on to say that empathy is “important for individuals” and “fundamental to relationships”, especially in commuity.

Sadly, the authors note that research shows that empathy is on the decline.  The paper continues in its discussion on how empathy plays out in everyday life as a way of trying to grasp why it is on the decline. Very instructional and anecdotal.  

Both the Millennials and Generation Z have some common attributes – among them a very inward focus, otherwise described as “it’s all about me”.  I refer to this as a type of generational naval gazing if you will.  This is one of the reasons why they need a mentor alongside to offer encouragement that they might not otherwise get from their peers or parents. 

Studies show that the next generation suffers from loneliness which is often a side effect of social media. They feel isolated, and unless they have a good peer group, they feel very much alone in a crowd. 

As I wrote in The Good Life based on a decade long study at Harvard, the study showed that 32% of adults expected to feel lonely for most of the upcoming year, and 75% of adults felt moderate or high levels of loneliness.  The study goes on to say why relationships matter – and they are talking about deep relationships, not superficial ones that might be found on social media.

In the earlier study, many researchers feel that empathy “involves haring someone’s emotion (an emotional process), taking someone’s perspective (a cognitive process), and feeling compassionate and wanting to help (a motivational process).  When you look at those components, you can see how empathy may be a key in building deep relationships – even with a mentor who is trusted.

The conclusion of the study confirms how I started off: “empathy in everyday life was higher for women and the religious but not significantly lower for conservatives and the wealthy.”  As Christians, we seek to build community of shared values and deep friendships.  We were not put in the world to be alone. God said in Genesis 2: “It is not good for man to be alone” so Adam needed Eve in order for them to live life together.

Which gets us back to relationships and friends, the value of the latter cannot be overstated. But not social media friends where you get “likes” for a post.  A study shows that face to face interactions is the key to building strong relationships.  And it goes without saying that when you are on the same “wavelength” as a friend you are thinking of their interests, not just your own.  That’s an ingredient of empathy.  Thinking of others which in turn, having empathy for their well-being.

The attributes of the next generation – particularly Gen Z – have shown the destructive nature of the smart phone and social media. The two combined have led to high levels of anxiety, depression, and incidences of suicide.  

There is another study worth mentioning – The Emerging Study of Positive Empathy written by authors from Stanford and UCLA.  The authors define positive empathy as “understanding and vicariously sharing others’ positive emotions”.  Thus, it is one aspect of empathy where emotions can include feelings that are not positive.

From a practical standpoint, positive empathy to me is really no more than being an encourager to another person.  That’s the essence of mentoring – encouraging another to take a path that might not have thought of or chosen on their own and then to walk alongside them giving them advice and encouragement along the way.  That’s what Jesus did with the 12 disciples.  He said, “Follow Me” and then walked alongside for 3 years. 

Ironically, I started this post last week after pondering the topic for a while.  Little did I know that I would get a phone call from my doctor informing me that they discovered I had a rare blood cancer (Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia).  I had never heard of it before that phone call and still don’t know much about it except that it appears that there are treatments available, and the prospects seem fine.  Still it was a curve ball I didn’t see coming.

I let my friends and family know of my diagnosis and asked them to pray for me and my wife. The outpouring of empathy and support has been a real benefit and encouragement to me.  Sometimes it is the small expression of concern and sympathy that really helps one gain their bearings. 

In the back of my head, I can hear the lyric from the song: “All my life You (God) have been faithful”.  I will always sing about the Goodness of God, even in the hard times.  I’ve had cancer before and when I learned I had it, I was unprepared mentally or spiritually. This time was different, and my wife and I took the news in stride as just another challenge to overcome with God’s help and the rallying support of our friends and family. 

In life, you never know what is around the next corner. It could be good, or, in my case, not so good.  We are standing on God’s promises and his protection at this time. It is a humbling lesson that no one is exempt from health issues.

MENTOR TAKEAWAY:  Your mentee might get an unexpected message or diagnosis that he didn’t see coming, and your ability to empathize with him may be valuable asset to him at a time when they need it.

FURTHER READING: 

The Experience of Empathy in Everyday Life

Encouragement – Blog Post

Alone in a Crowd

Bowling Alone – The Collapse and Revival of American Community –

WORSHIP: The Goodness of God – Bethel

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One Another/One Another

Jesus went up on a mountainside and called to him those he wanted, and they came to him. He appointed twelve^] that they might be with him and that he might send them out to preach… Mark 3:13

I covered this topic several years ago – six, to be exact.  The title comes from my habit of writing down “o/a” in the margin of my bible whenever there was a verse that demonstrated what we are to do with one another. The “o/a” was my shorthand for One Another.

Backing up, we can look at the four synoptic gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) from the framework of providing us with a vertical view of our spiritual life.  These books are the testimonies about Jesus – his birth, his life, his ministry and ultimately his death and resurrection.  From these books we develop a vertical relationship with God through Jesus.

The rest of the New Testament is largely about the horizontal world – how our relationship with Christ impacts and plays out with those around us.  It also gives guidance and direction on how we can put feet to our faith with others.  

In the course of my studying the bible, I came across at least 20 “One Another’s”.  There are more, I am sure, but that’s what I found.   As I noted, these are instructive on how we should treat each other in life.  Some are easier than others. The hard ones for me are number 7 and 8.  Having to admonish someone else is no fun, nor is it a happy time when you confess your failures and sins to another.  Both make you humble.  

Here’s the list:

1. Love one another.  John 13:34-35, Galatians 5:14
2. Wash one another’s feet.  John 13:14
3. Encourage one another.  Hebrews 3:13, 10:24-25, 1 Thess. 5:11 and 4:18
4. Pray for one another. James 5:16
5. Build up one another.  Romans 14:19, 1 Thess. 5:11
6. Serve one another.  Galatians 5:13
7. Teach and admonish one another.  Colossians 3:16
8. Confess your sins to one another.  James 5:16
9. Don’t judge one another.  Romans 14:13
10. Carry one another’s burdens.  Galatians 5:13
11. Submit to one another.  Ephesians 5:21
12. Forgive one another.  Colossians 4:13, Colossians 3:13
13. Comfort one another.  2 Corinthians 6:12
14. Do not provoke one another. Galatians 5:26
15. Be kind to one another.  1 Thessalonians 5:15. 2 Corinthians 6:12
16. Be kind and compassionate with one another. Ephesians 4:32
17. Bear with and forgive one another. Colossians 3:13
18. Spur one another on to love and good deeds.  Hebrews 10:24
19. Do not slander one another. James 4:11
20. Offer hospitality to one another. 1 Peter 4:9

As I noted, this is a list of actions that we are to take with other Christians, and it is a real “to-do” list.  As you go through them, you can reflect on some instance in your past where you failed. We all fail, so it is good to be reminded what we should have done, rather than what we did.

To this list, I would add “mentor one another”.  I cannot find a specific scripture saying just that, but it is the model of leadership Jesus exhibited when he first chose the Disciples in Mark 3:13. Most of Jesus ministry was spent on investing in their lives over the next 3 years. 

He walked besides them and, at times when there were teachable moments, He proclaimed the gospel to them. He didn’t do it as we would do in current day – telling them to bring their text- books and meet him for class so he could lecture them on how to be a good disciple. Instead, he taught them outside of classrooms and the synagogues (although he did do some teaching there, but primarily with the Pharisees and the Scribes).

As I have often told pastors in our MentorLink training, most ministry takes place outside the four walls of a Church. That’s how Jesus did it, and we should take note for our own generation. 

Investing in the lives of the next generation is a big priority to me, maybe even more than before as we live in a culture that is post-Christian, post-modern, and seems to be going in the wrong direction. We can slow that drift one life at a time.  But, like Jesus, it’s a choice a mentor has to make – to choose one or more to be a mentee.

This morning I received an email from a Nigerian friend – Bami Betiku (pictured above). He has a ministry with the Navigators and he wrote to give me a report on how he has started working with kids in High School and how it has begun to really take hold. He thanked me for “equipping” him and ended by saying: “We are privileged to have been helped by you to make Heaven great.”

Investing in Bami’s life leads him, in turn, to invest in other lives and this case young men and women who are turning to Christ in Nigeria. Bami sent me the picture above of his work with high school students. It makes me smile.

MENTOR TAKEAWAY:   We have a rare opportunity to equip and mentor others. Don’t waste it by sitting on your hands on the sidelines.

WORSHIP:  Build My Life – Passion 

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Trends for Gen Z – 2023

Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, my God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your mighty acts to all who are to come. Psalm 71:18

Last week I covered recent trends for Millennials. This week I turn to Gen Z, the oldest of whom are now around 23 years old. They have several things in common with the Millennials, particularly the lifestyle focus on social media and the digital world. 

There are upsides and downsides to our technology, and unfortunately, the downside has hit Gen Z pretty hard. Snapchat and TikTok are the two top apps that Gen Z uses. This generation was born between 1997 and 2012 and will be the largest generation ever. It makes up 27% of the US population.

In no particular order, here are current trends affecting this generation:

1. Digital Natives.  They have never known life without the internet. They have been exposed to tech at an early age (too early in my estimation). They are tethered to their phone and one survey said they were more upset if they didn’t have their phone than their wallet.
2. Anxious and Depressed. More than any other, this Generation has high amounts of anxiety and depression, particularly in young girls. According to a Deloitte study, 46% report being anxious most of the time. Suicide rates have skyrocketed. James Emory White describes the situation as “Teen Girls in Crisis” where 24% of teen girls have contemplated suicide.
3. Nostalgic.  They have a growing affinity for things from two decades ago, including fashion. A favorite app is Depop which is a fashion resale app and 90% of its users are under the age of 26. 
4. Distrust of Institutions.  As for this trend, they are similar to the millennials and there is a general distrust of all institutions, including the government according to a Pew Survey.   At this stage of their life, they are arriving on the scene with liberal ideas on social and racial issues and climate change. 70% of them believe the government should solve more problems rather than the private sector which was amplified by the pandemic. They also distrust elections.
5. Embracing Diversity and Social Justice. This is the most diverse generation ever with 48% of Gen Z being from racial or ethnic minorities. They are on track to be the most educated generation yet.  The racial makeup varies by geography so, for example, only 40% of Gen Z in the west are non-Hispanic whites, but that number is 46% in the south. 88% of them believe that blacks did not receive equal treatment. 
6. Emerging Consumers.  The buying power of Gen Z is growing rapidly and a Buy Now Pay Later app is very popular with close to 44% of Gen Z having used a BNPL app. 
7. Workplace Influence.  The oldest members of Gen Z are now out of college and entering the workplace.  By 2025, they will make up 27% of the workforce.  Their preferences are being felt, and the most important value is a workplace that empowers them. They also seek a work environment which encourages a healthy lifestyle. The pandemic has made an indelible impact on Gen Z – something they won’t forget. 50% of Gen Z have suffered burnout at work.
8. Spiritual Dimension.  More than 34% of Gen Z have no religious affiliation. We live in a post-Christian era, and the decline of religion has significant cultural consequences. Among other things, many members of Gen Z never participated in going to Church. The implications of this are enormous, including a trend towards single parent households.  While they may not darken the door of a Church, many members of Gen Z have participated in online Church services which is why many churches maintain a hybrid service by streaming it online. 

The reading resources are worth looking at and they unpack all of these trends in a much more detailed way.  It is a complex set of trends and show, at the minimum, some trouble spots for this generation, particularly in the area of mental health.  This is a generation that desperately needs someone to come alongside and walk with them.

MENTOR TAKEAWAY:  Understanding your audience – in this case Gen Z – will help equip you to reach then where they need help. 

FURTHER READING:

7 Gen Z Trends

Teen Girls in Crisis – James Emory White

America’s Teenage Girls are Not Okay – Atlantic

Generation Z Looks a Lot Like Millennials on Social and Political Issues– Pew Research

Nearly Half of Post-Millennials are Racial or Ethnic Minorities – Pew Research

The Action Generation:  How Gen Z Feels About Race, Equality – Business Insider

8 Gen Z Trends and Predictions for 2022/2023 – Finance Online

Trained to Hate Themselves – 1 in 3 Girls Consider Suicide  – Federalist

Generation Z and the Future of Faith in America  – American Enterprise Institute

What You Need to Know About Hybrid Church Services  – Youversion

WORSHIP: Jerusalem – The Hoppers 

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Millennial Trends 2023

Children should not have to save up for their parents, but parents for their children. 2 Corinthians 12:14

There actually exists something called “writer’s block”.  It occurs when you are supposed to write something – even anything – related to the topic at hand and nothing shows up in your mind that is worthwhile.  That happened last week as I could not see anything appropriate to write about, and the one topic on generational anxiety didn’t appeal to me at the time. 

This week, however, I thought I would entertain several trends that I have observed – in two parts. This one will be on millennial trends since I last wrote about this in 2018. Millennials are now between the ages of 24 and 41 or so and, at 72 million, they are currently the largest generation.  They have survived (barely) a couple of economic downturns and are now in the child-bearing age.  

Millennials should be settling into their careers, getting married having children, but what we are seeing is the exact opposite.

Some of these trends are strange, funny, or even head scratchers.  Others not so much. In no particular order, here’s a list:

1. Ungrateful.  According to the National Review, they are “increasingly ungrateful.”  The solution, the author says, is to return to inculcating virtues of “prudence, deliberation and moderation” back into the civic debate. 
2. Prone to Colon Cancer.  A WSJ article noted a surprising increase of co-rectal and colon cancer for this age group. What’s surprising is that the medical community doesn’t have an answer for the increase. One thing is important which is to emphasize screening at an earlier date.  The cases, when diagnosed, have tended to be at an advanced stage where the cancer “might not be curable.”
3. Stick Shifts.  There has been an increased popularity of cars with stick shifts by the 20-somethings generation.  It might be a reaction to the switch to electric cars.  There is a retro appeal to having a gear shift versus a single gear electric vehicle.   They enjoy it more: “I’m going to try and enjoy the type of driving that’s the most fun to me until I can’t do it anymore”.
4. Single and Sexless.  Studies show that relationships by single young men have suffered. Sexual intimacy “is at a 30-year low” and Pew Research indicates that 60% of young men under 30 are currently single.  I touched on this some time ago suggesting that the next generation has not grown up into adulthood until their late 20’s or early 30’s. Another factor is that porn increasingly is a Plan B to satiate sexual needs.
5. Mental Health Issues.  This is a broad category, but the Pew Research Center studies show that young people are facing serious mental issues that parents have to deal with. 
6. Educated but not Wealthy.  The millennials are the most educated generation ever. One third of millennials (and 40% of women) have a college degree. Yet, they have a much lower “trajectory of wealth accumulation than their parents and grandparents.”  This has lots of implications for social and governmental policy. Part of this trend comes from the recession of 2007-2009 which is when millennials entered the workplace. The millennial holds 41% less wealth than prior generations at the same age. 
7. Higher Levels of Debt.  Those in the 30’s are piling on historic levels of debt according to the WSJ. Given their lack of wealth, this can be a disaster in an economic downturn with high unemployment.
8. Focus on Healthy Lifestyle.  Roughly 76% of millennials exercise at least once a week and they are very health conscious compared to their predecessors. Only 24% report drinking alcohol at least once a week.  Yet studies show that their health begins to decline by age 27.  They may be driving a health fitness boom, but their health overall is not showing up.
9. Housing.  Millennials have been slower to form their own households which may be a product of the Great Recession (2007-08).  Those without college degrees tend to live more at home with their parents and for longer times than any prior generation but not having a job is not a factor according to Pew Research. 
10. Family.   Less than half of millennials aged 25-37 are married.   This is a significant drop from their Gen X at 57% or late boomers at 62% and early boomers at 67%.  Not a good trend and it’s no surprise that the birth rates are down around the world, not just the US. The average age for getting married is now the highest it has ever been. 
11. Student Debt.   This is an American phenomena, but many millennials are being crushed by student debt with an average of $87,000 according to Experian.
12. Spirituality.  As I have written several times before, the millennials have a spiritual seeking side, but often it is not directed at God. Not surprisingly Christian millennials prefer a more charismatic worship style than their elders according to Barna.

There are other trends – too numerous to list – but some of them will be covered by my next post which highlights Gen Z.  

In sum, the millennials are bucking a lot of trends of their predecessors, most importantly in the financial side of the equation.  

MENTOR TAKEAWAY:   It’s always wise to learn about trends that impact the lives of your mentees so that you can understand them better.

FURTHER READING:  

The Millennial Generation: A Demographic Bridge to America’s Diverse Future – Brookings Report

The Emerging Millennial Wealth Gap – New America (Note: This is especially good and has several additional links for a deep dive into this topic).

Why Are So Many Young Men Single and Sexless – Psychology Today

7 Millennial Trends for 2023 – 

Millennials Love Wellness but They’re Not as Healthy as People Think– Time

Millennial Life: How Young Adulthood Today Compares with Prior Generations – Pew Research

People Are Waiting to Get Married

11 Pieces of Advice Every Millennial Should Hear – Relevant Magazine

Religion Among the Millennials – Pew

WORSHIP: King of My Heart – Kissinger

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