Richard Cory

Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:2

When we studied poetry in high school, I remember vividly one poem that stood out then, and still is on my mind. That was close to 60 years ago. Why so vivid? Well, you’ll see. This post may seem like an English poetry class, but it leads to a larger point.

The poem, Richard Cory, was written in 1897 by Edwin Arlington Robinson. It is short so I will reproduce it rather than talk about it. 

Whenever Richard Cory went down town,

We people on the pavement looked at him:

He was a gentleman from sole to crown,

Clean favored, and imperially slim.

And he was always quietly arrayed,

And he was always human when he talked.

But still he fluttered pulses when he said,

“Good-morning,” and he glittered when he walked.

And he was rich—yes, richer than a king—

And admirably schooled in every grace:

In fine, we thought that he was everything

To make us wish that we were in his place.

So on we worked, and waited for the light,

And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;

And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,

Went home and put a bullet through his head.

This poem came to mind at a lunch with one of my mentees, Greg Nobles, who runs the Sandhills Young Life. I have supported Young Life for decades because I believe it is a ministry on the front lines reaching youth in middle and high schools around the nation. 

We’ve been meeting together periodically for several years. Greg postponed our lunch for a day while he dealt with the sudden death of one of his former leaders. 

At lunch, he told me about the young man who died. He was young black man who had everything going for him. He was intelligent, popular, president of his senior class, a born leader with a personality that attracted people to him. He did so well academically that he received a full scholarship to UNC – Chapel Hill.

Regrettably, he turned down the scholarship and went instead to another school which is known as a “party school”. Greg tried to keep up with him while he was in college but didn’t always connect. As always, it’s your peers that you hang out with that drives your behavior.

And now he is dead. Greg isn’t sure of the cause, whether it was from suicide or a drug overdose. The result is the same. He is now gone, and Greg, along with family and friends are wrestling with the devastating consequences.  This is the 4^th death that Greg has had to deal with since last September. The others were suicides. 

From outward appearances, each of the four young people had the whole world at their feet. Just like wealthy Richard Cory who “glittered when he walked”. Richard Cory seemed to have it all, but material things were not enough.

This is a tough topic when looking at the next generation. I’ve written several times about the uptick in suicides and drug overdoses, the latter of which seems to target young single men more than any other demographic.

Coming out of Covid, we are returning to some level of normalcy in our lives, but the mental health, depression, anxiety will linger on in the next generation for years. Like Greg, I could not help but think how this young man made a mistake in his choice of college, a choice which had deadly consequences. His funeral is tomorrow.

My other thought was that suicide may not always be prevented, but its root cause, depression, if detected, can be treated. As for overdoses, I will add one recent story of a 13 year old boy who died from an overdose and was found to have 100 bags of fentanyl in his bedroom.  The fentanyl he possessed was 30 times stronger than usual.

A fatal dose of fentanyl is “small enough to fit on the tip of a pencil.” Fentanyl is cheap and available on college campuses. Overdosing can be intentional, another reason to link it to suicide. 

That’s where mentoring comes in – coming alongside the next generation to help them make rational choices which could shape the course of their lives. In the young man’s case, choosing school B (a party school) over School A (UNC) was deadly. Most choices aren’t quite that stark, but the trajectory of our life depends on the choices we make.

The other takeaway is that you can’t judge a book by the cover. In Richard Cory’s life, everyone wanted to be just like him, but in reality, he was miserable inside and no one knew it. There are many in the next generation like Richard Cory. We need to be watchful and keep them engaged and not let them slip through the cracks.

My job, as Greg’s mentor, is to come alongside and help him through the mental anguish which he is experiencing. I can’t walk in his shoes, but I can be someone he can talk to with an understanding ear. That’s what Mentors do.

MENTOR TAKEAWAY:  The next generation has a desperate need for older people to invest in their lives and help them make good decisions. It can be lifesaving.

FURTHER READING:

The Power of Peers – NIH

Young Life of the Sandhills – Website

CDC Reports 19% Increase in Drug Overdose Deaths – Addiction Partnership

Diagnosis and Treatment of Depression – Mayo Clinic

100 Bags of Fentanyl Found in 13 Year Old Boys Bedroom after Overdose

21 Charged In Drug Operation on Three North Carolina College Campuses

DEA Issues Alert for Counterfeit Drugs Containing Fentanyl – DEA

WORSHIP:  Beneath the Waters (I Will Rise)

For more information about MentorLink, go to www.mentorlink.org.

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Cultural Awareness

Therefore say to them, Thus says the LORD of hosts: Return to me, says the LORD of hosts, and I will return to you, says the LORD of hosts. Zechariah 1:3

In writing this blog, I have always strived to come up with topics that affect mentoring – particularly of the next generation.  Some of the topics are what I call blinding glimpses of the obvious. Those are things that seem obvious to me but may have escaped the attention of others in the older generations.

One of my readers (a friend) told me that she had stopped reading my blog because I had gotten “political”.  I accepted that rejoinder for what it was, and it caused me to have some self-reflection to be sure I hadn’t gone too far. My conclusion was not really because every topic I cover is dealt with using the vantage point of a biblical worldview. 

One of my favorite writers is James Emory White, the pastor of Mecklenburg Presbyterian in Charlotte, NC, who writes a blog titled Church and Culture.  One of his posts last year caught my attention.  It was titled Calling Out Pastors.  In it, White listed 11 issues that the “world is talking about.”

As White notes: “The issues, people and events that cast themselves onto the main stage of our collective psyche, dominating conversations and arresting the attention of the epicenters of culture; meaning, media, the educational system, the government, the judicial system, the arts and more.”

White goes on to say that the issues were all “either moral or truth issues” which represented what was right or wrong or truth or falsehoods.   Secondly, they were “deeply spiritual issues” which dominated the world’s conversation.  Then he drops the bomb. Everyone is talking about these, except for pastors in our churches. 

I sent his post to the leaders of my church and was affirmed by their response:  “we are on it”. As a courtesy, I compiled a list of posts on those topics, plus a couple of more. Here is my list by topic that was in White’s blog: 

Me Too: https://mentorlink.wordpress.com/2018/02/21/metoo/

Woke:  https://mentorlink.wordpress.com/2021/03/19/the-woke-gospel/

Woke

The New Rules

George Floyd:  https://mentorlink.wordpress.com/2020/08/28/woke/

Critical Race Theory (CRT):  https://mentorlink.wordpress.com/2020/09/18/crt/

Equity

QAnon:  https://mentorlink.wordpress.com/2020/09/04/qanon/

Black Lives Matter:  https://mentorlink.wordpress.com/2021/03/19/the-woke-gospel/

I Can See Clearly Now

Offensive

Transgenderism:  https://mentorlink.wordpress.com/2020/03/06/the-s-word/

Sexual Fluidity:  https://mentorlink.wordpress.com/2019/03/22/fluidity/

Gender – Part 1

Gender – Part 2

Racism: https://mentorlink.wordpress.com/2021/04/23/socrates-2/

Equity

Social Justice

Sexism:  https://mentorlink.wordpress.com/2019/01/04/pc/

To White’s List, I would add a couple of more issues:

Socialism:  https://mentorlink.wordpress.com/2019/11/15/socialism/

Politics

Journalism

Marxism:  https://mentorlink.wordpress.com/2020/07/17/cancel-culture/

            https://mentorlink.wordpress.com/2020/07/10/six-months/  (second half)

Church and Culture (White) recently did several posts which are worthy of note:

Transgender:  https://www.churchandculture.org/blog/2021/5/6/the-transgender-issue

Gender:  https://www.churchandculture.org/blog/2021/5/3/a-theology-of-gender

https://www.churchandculture.org/blog/2021/5/10/children-and-gender-identity

Why are these important?  Pretty simple, actually. We live in the culture where these are discussed and we often sit on the sidelines now knowing what to say or what is the correct biblical worldview on the topic. This is particularly important in the mentoring process because you have to understand your mentee’s “cultural” world in order to mentor them properly.

This post was inspired by Rod Dreher, the author of Live Not by Lies. In his recent blog on January 19 titled Wokeness is (Almost) Forever, Dreher said this: 

“I will tell you all this right now: if you are not now in a church where the leadership and the community are reading the signs of the times, and preparing themselves for what is here now, and what is to come, now is the time to find just such a church. And if your church is not that kind of place, by all means do whatever you can to make it one. The crisis is upon us now, and it is not going to go away anytime soon.”

I would suggest you read Dreher’s post as well as the one by N.S. Lyons which was the article that Dreher wrote about. Both are listed below.

As Christians, we can’t put our heads in the sand and pretend that cultural issues aren’t affecting our lives (but not our faith).  That’s denial. We need to stand tall for the Gospel in our lives which means being visible in the cultural conversation.

I recently started writing a daily compendium of news stories that I call Musings which now has a readership of close to 100 people. It provides biblical worldview stories on a broad variety of topics, usually close to 30 each time. It is arranged by categories to simplify reading about what you are interested in.

My friend, Ralph Ennis, sent me an email and asked if I would put his wife on the email list because he was tired of forwarding my emails to her. Sigh. If you wish to be added to my list, you can contact me at otterpater@gmail.com.

Finally, I always add a worship song to my posts, partly because I sing in our choir and love Christian music. The worship song below is sung by dozens of Pittsburgh (PA) churches and shows how the body of Christ can work together. It is inspirational and beautiful and I urge you to watch the video.

MENTOR TAKEAWAY: Our mentees live in a Romans 1 world, and we need to be sure that the next generation see Christ in us. To do that, we must understand what cultural issues they are struggling with, because Satan is a liar and may have poisoned their minds.

FURTHER READING: Church & Culture Blog. – James Emory White

No, The Revolution Isn’t Over – Lyons

Wokeness is (almost) Forever – Dreher

Live Not By Lies – Dreher

WORSHIP: The Pittsburgh Blessing – Virtual Church Choir in Pittsburgh

For more information about MentorLink, go to www.mentorlink.org.

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Encouragement

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

1 Thessalonians 5:11

Having written this blog since early 2016, I have often reflected what is at the heart of a mentor.  My conclusion? It is the idea to encourage one another – often with someone in the next generation. That came home to me this week in a Zoom call with several of my international friends who meet once a month online to encourage one another.

This morning’s call was particularly rich. Each of the participants, in their own way, shared what God is doing in their lives, and the common theme was that they are beginning to see traction in mentoring, not just pastors but those in the next generation.

Sam Sunder Singh, from Chennai, India, shared that he has started to develop mentoring with youth in other churches. He acknowledged that many in the younger generation don’t know what a mentor is, looks like or acts.  That’s partly because of the concept of mentoring has largely dropped out of many cultures.

But once he described what a mentor is and does, the youth were excited and wanted to participate. They can see the possibility of how a mentor can help them along their way by investing in them, and they are all in.

Sam is also working on mentoring other pastors – initially to get them to a level of transparency using the Leaders Covenant Guide which is freely available at MentorLink. In using this tool, some of the pastors have followed up with Sam because they see a need for someone to speak into their lives at a personal level – that means being willing to participate in peer mentoring..

Even though India is currently in a lockdown (again), tools like Zoom have enabled folks like Sam and Ada to continue their ministry even when face-to-face interactions are limited due to continuing issues with Covid-19. In retrospect, the pandemic has expanded the technological tools into everyday life so that it is now a common way to communicate.  

Even though he is in India, the same confusion over what a mentor does occurs here, too.  I attribute that to the change in our educational system about 80 years ago where education was often through apprenticeships, internships and mentoring which meant learning from someone more experienced. That’s a mentor in a nutshell. 

Ada Babijide (pictured above) from Lagos, Nigeria, shared how she is also working on mentoring the next generation in ways she hadn’t considered before.  She, too, has realized that the next generation are our future leaders.  As I have told pastors at MLI training sessions, most ministry does not take place within the four walls of a church.

That means that we need to be creative in connecting with  the next generation.  It also means understanding them and how they communicate, think and like to participate. They want to be involved – in fact, the dominant means of reaching them is to put them in settings where they have input and there is an opportunity for them to be heard. There’s a name for that – it’s called collaboration.  The mentor becomes a facilitator.   

Meredith Hoffman is now back in Kosovo which is 95% Muslim. She shared that most of the group she has been with in her ministry are leaving in about 6 months, leaving her and one other woman to take on increased leadership roles in a largely non-Christian culture. We all affirmed her leadership capability.

Another participant, Sasha Pyrig lives near Kiev, Ukraine. He shared his concern over the possible invasion of his country by Russia which has amassed 100,000 troops on its eastern border. Sasha shared that he was seeking comfort in stories from the bible where God’s faithful faced invasion.  We can only pray for his situation. 

We encouraged each other by suggesting resources which might be helpful for the needs expressed.  My task was to develop a comprehensive topical index of my blog for the past several years. That’s a daunting task because I’ve done well over 300 posts which covers a lot of ground.  

After my zoom call, I had my weekly breakfast with my friend, Tom Shirk, and we chatted about mentoring and how it impacted him. He talked at length at how mentors shaped his life and opened doors that would have otherwise been closed in his military career.  He, in turn, did the same for others when he saw talent that could go to the next level, but for one reason or another, had been on the wrong track and needed someone to help open doors.

As a mentor, it is gratifying to see growth in those in whom t you have invested in over the years. That’s what made this morning so powerful to me, because our mentoring calls have planted seeds that have now germinated in ways we could not envision when we first got together years ago.

MENTOR TAKEAWAY: As a mentor, we need to encourage and influence those in the next generation who often need a little help along the way to become all that God wants them to be.  You might not see the results in real time but rest assured that your efforts produced fruit.

WORSHIP: Resurrecting – Elevation Worship

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TicTok Toe

TikTok Toe

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8

Not to be confused with the game Tic Tac Toe.  I used to play this game with my grandkids and would intentionally make a mistake so they could win which resulted in great delight and squealing. But that game is not dangerous.  TikTok, on the other hand is not harmless, as you will see..

For the uninitiated, TikTok is a social media platform that permits users to watch and share videos that vary in length from 15 seconds to 3 minutes. It is owned by ByteDance, a Chinese company and was invented by Zhang Yiming who stepped down as CEO several months ago..

How it works is fascinating because they attempt to do a highly personalized tour to each user by recommending videos to users that it thinks the users will take in.  It uses what is called an algorithm which tracks the users choicess and then suggests more videos that feed those preferences. 

In preparing for this post, I read dozens of reports from the last two years as the world has tried to get its arms around the popularity of TikTok.  It recently surpassed Facebook as the most visited social media. But what is troubling is that a large part of its usage is in the 5 to 14 age group.  They are the ones that are vulnerable even though users under 13 cannot post videos. 

Criticisms of TikTok include the following.

• It causes addiction (or worse).
• Like YouTube, it uses algorithms that appeals to preteens, even though children must be 13 years old.
• It serves up Sex and Drug Videos to minors. 
• It has personal data collection even if you don’t have an account.
• It promotes transgender materials, increasing the number of youths who self-identify as transgender.
• It allows data mining and storage of each user which is shared and monetized without your permission or consent.

Why the concern?  Well, a “staggering 41% of self-reported TikTok users are aged 16-24”. It is the platform that has advanced the Korean show Squid Games, which had 11.1 billion views since it was released on September 17, 2021.

According to Neal Ferguson, a senior researcher at Stanford University’s Hoover Institution, TikTok is a threat to children. “TikTok is optimized for user engagement, algorithmically steering users to content that will hook them via its For You page. In essence, the [algorithm] learns what you like and then gives you more of it. And more. Future historians will marvel that we didn’t give our kids crack cocaine, but we give them TikTok.”

Ferguson and other security experts are also concerned about the data collection capability of TikTok in the hands of China due to the company’s close ties to the Chinese Communist Party. As one security expert notes, TikTok “is the perfect tool for massive surveillance collection by the Chinese government.”

That’s a lot of concerns for an App that has such broad appeal to the next generation, and most particularly Gen Z. In writing this, I was reminded of a concept known in the pharmaceutical industry called informed consent. When you purchase any drug (even aspirin), the bottle has a list in small print on the side of “contraindications”, a fancy word for potential adverse side effects.  

By disclosing those conditions, you have been informed and by taking the drug you have consented to the chance that you might experience one or more known adverse effects. 

We as mentors and parents should be rightly concerned about permitting free access to TikTok without at least considering the downside (or, contraindications). In this day and time, it may be difficult to limit access to TikTok, but we can take steps to try and stop built in reinforcement. Just banning it may not work in this digital world according to Andrew McPeak. He suggests teaching the next generation two social and emotional skills.

The first is helping them with impulse control where they master not binging by spending too much time with the App.   

The second is to help them gain critical thinking which “means examining circumstances, identifying risks and benefits, and gathering information about a given topic — all so students can make a responsible decision”.  In other words, helping them assess on their own what the risks are so they can make a responsible (or informed) decision. 

MENTOR TAKEAWAY: We should help our mentees develop critical thinking skills so they can make informed decisions on their own.

FURTHER READING:

Let’s Talk About TikTok – Growing Leaders (McPeak)

Walton (FL) Students Suspended from TikTok Challenge – Panhandle News

Gen Z is Developing Unexplained Tics from Going Online and Doctors are Concerned – Vice

How TikTok Serves Up Sex and Drug Videos to Minors – WSJ 

TikTok is Watching You – Even if You Don’t Have an Account – Vice

TikTok Traffic Ranks Highest Worldwide Raising Concerns of Addiction Problems for Children

TikTok Hit with Consumer Safety and Privacy Complaints in Europe – TechCrunch

Parents Ultimate Guide to TikTok – Common Sense Media

Is TikTok Spying on You for China? – Forbes

WORSHIP:  Here for You – Matt Redman

For more information about MentorLink, go to www.mentorlink.org.

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