From Top to Bottom

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits.  Psalm 103:2 (NKJV)

Ask any of my nine grandchildren in the above picture what this title is about and they will be happy to tell you.  When I pray before a meal, I always say thanks for my family “top to bottom”.  It’s a shorthand way to include both children and grandchildren, and if I omit that phrase, they will all kid me.

This is Thanksgiving week. I would prefer that they reverse those words into Giving Thanks.  That is the essence of what we should be doing, not just one day a year but every day.  We do it at the dinner table when give “give thanks” for the food in front of us and the hands that prepared it.

We (including me) often take for granted the blessings we have in our lives. For Sis and me, we have enjoyed good health and an active life. We see many our age who are unable to do the things we can do which only underscores how blessed we are.

Our family – all 17 of them – continues to amaze us as they grow up.  With 9 grandkids going in 9 different directions, you almost need a spreadsheet to keep up with their activities. Plus, we are keeping one grandson – Teddy on the far right in the picture – with us for his entire school year while he goes to a nearby school in Pinehurst.  Reverting to being a parent again brings back memories of raising our own children.  

Oh, and he makes the same mistakes his parents did, which actually makes me smile a bit.  I recently scolded him for not communicating his schedule clearly, but his two uncles made similar mistakes.  Some things never change.

We give thanks for the lives and gifts that God has bestowed on us and the health He has provided to accomplish them.  Each day is a new day. When people ask how I am doing, my stock tongue in cheek response is that “I am vertical and above ground.”  For that I am grateful. Consider the alternative.

Life throws curve balls from time to time.  How you respond to them says something about you. When you are the one in the crucible, who comes to your aid?  That’s what friends and family are for.  We were not meant to be alone in this world and having deep friendships that have stood the test of time is a blessing. We are so lucky in that regard.

With an active family, things change quickly, and we’ve been able to be flexible to meet those  needs when they occur.  My wife’s brother has Alzheimer’s and we have taken time to fill in for his wife who has been his principal caregiver and needs a break now and then.  Our last trip two weeks ago was interesting. Just when my sister in law was to return home to Atlanta from Charleston, she ended up in the hospital to have her appendix taken out.

“No problem”, Sis said.  “You drive home to take care of Teddy and I’ll fly back when things are stable.” So I did and she returned 4 days later.  That’s what family is for, and that’s what we do for each other. That, in and of itself, is a blessing to be thankful for.

Not every family have happy stories all the time. We have friends with two siblings suffering terminal illnesses which are heartbreaking. Still, we can support and surround them as friends. We can’t fix their problems, but we can offer to be there for them as they go through a difficult time of life. 

This year, all of us are meeting in Washington, DC tomorrow.  We will stay with my youngest son, but my older son only lives 15 minutes away. Both of my boys are  ”foodies”  which means that they enjoy different foods and restaurants.  They are both great cooks, although one of them follows the recipe and the other makes it up as he goes along. 

My one contribution to our time together on Thanksgiving is to cook a standing rib roast on a smoker called a Big Green Egg.  I found a recipe for it about 6 months ago called “Butter Herb Encrusted Prime Rib” which is probably the best thing I have ever cooked in my entire life. If you are looking for something to wow your family, this recipe is it.

As we enter into this Thanksgiving week after a year of Covid and topsy turvy schedule and life-style adjustments, we should look back on the year for those small incidents in life that made us smile.  Something funny perhaps.  Or something that made you laugh when you didn’t think you could. Share those moments with your friends and family.

MENTOR TAKEAWAY:  Mentees are one of God’s benefits to Mentors. We should pray for them daily.

RIB RECIPE:  Butter Herb Encrusted Prime Rib – Big Green Egg

WORSHIP:  Thank You Jesus for the Blood Applied – Charity Gayle

For more information about MentorLink, go to www.mentorlink.org.

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Squid Games

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.  Philippians 4:8

Something from Asia involving squid made me think of my visits to the Ginza District in Tokyo to eat sushi at one of many small restaurants. One sushi delicacy is Ika,, the Japanese word  for squid.  While it doesn’t have a strong unique taste (outside of the soy sauce and Wasabi, a hot mustard), the Japanese like Ika for its different texture.  It is quite chewy.

But Squid Games is a new show on Netflix.  It is a hot watch – over 111 million views have happened since it was released in the in the last two months alone. One in four Americans have watched. It is the number one show in 90 different countries (it’s number two in Denmark). 

It may become the most watched series ever on Netflix and it has spread by word of mouth and social media. Most reading this have never heard of it, including me.

It is disturbing in some ways and was created by Korean Director Hwang Dong-Hyuk.   It’s primary target demographic is Generation Z.  While Generation Z is a smaller demographic than millennials in America, it is the largest demographic in the rest of the world – in Asia, India and Africa. 

Why is it so popular with Generation Z?  They somehow identify and share the aspirations and feelings. Yet it is violent.  The plot is not all that hard to understand. The protagonist is a gambler down on his luck who is recruited to join a mystery game as a way to solve his gambling debts.  

He arrives at a secret venue and becomes the 456^th contestant, all of whom are in dire straits, but all of them wishing to win a cash prize of $38.7 million.  In order to win the money, they have to go through 6 games – simple familiar childhood games like Red Light/Green Light. – without being eliminated.

One game is the Squid Game, a Korean variation of tag.  But this is where the series gets morbid:  the contestants soon learn that being “eliminated” means being killed. It causes a visceral experience in the audience and has been called “addictive”.  As one writer noted, people watch this black comedy because everyone is talking about it, so they don’t want to miss out. 

But miss out they should. Yet this show is everywhere.  It’s has gone viral on TikTok where the hashtag #squidgame had over 11 billion views recently. 

Tim Elmore breaks down the show’s popularity with Generation Z.  According to the Director, there are four categories of characters in the show:

• A population of society’s elites
• A population of blue-collar workers
• A population of undocumented immigrant workers
• A population of elderly people who are victims of poverty.

To many in Generation Z, this is what they see in society today, having been bombarded in social media by issues of equality, social justice, gender and LGBTQ issues.  Gen Z have been exposed at an early age to adult content, so it takes more “wow” to attract them according to Tim Elmore.  The series is not for those with a “weak stomach” because it is “gory, graphic and disturbing”.  “Squid Game is just the most recent iteration of ‘wow’.”

One of the primary reasons I write this blog is to call attention to trends in the next generation – some of which are under the radar.   If you mentor them, you need to understand what is in their head (or not), as well as what content they are ingesting.

Members of Gen Z feel like victims in this world, and that is what this show is all about. The basic theme is a life and death struggle to survive and achieve wealth. As Elmore notes, “millions of members of Gen Z feel like they are victims in the world they live, [..] financially, socially and politically.”

One attribute of the Gen Z population is that they “binge easily, and this show is quite addictive.”  There are plenty of addictions to go around and many affect the next generation. The digital world has brought the ability to have access to shows like this on demand. 

I have so many questions about this series, one of which is how it got so popular under the radar of older generations.  “How can this series be emotionally healthy?” is a question posed by Elmore.

While I have written about the confusion of equality and equity, we need to understand the next generation’s passion for injustice and equality.  It exists, and the role of a mentor is to channel it in a positive direction.

Two last thoughts.  Millennials endured an extended recession and poor job prospects in 2008.  When they were just getting on their feet, the pandemic hit and turned things on their head again.

Millennials are victims of circumstances. While the Gen Z population who didn’t go through those travails, they see themselves as victims of a messy world.  

We, as parents, friends and mentors, need to reach out and help them “escape” the victim mindset through support and challenge them to be the best they can be. They need positive images, role models and encouragement.

MENTOR TAKEAWAY: You can assume your Gen Z mentee watches the latest craze on social media and you need to educate yourself about the inherent dangers to their outlook on life.

FURTHER READING:  The Deadly ‘Red Light, Green Light’ game has become a Viral TikTok Meme –  Insider

Squid Game is Most Disturbing Show I’ve Watched: How is it so Popular?  Daily Beast

What We Learn About Generation Z from the Top Netflix Show: Squid Game – Tim Elmore

WORSHIP: Break Every Chain – Jesus Culture

For more information about MentorLink, go to www.mentorlink.org.

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Treasure Hunt

To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given.  Luke 19:26

Dealing with “stuff” – your wealth – is a difficult lesson.  The topic of money and possessions is the most frequent topic in the Bible.  It’s all in there, but we often don’t pay close attention.

Sadly, the prosperity gospel has twisted those principles.  Their message is that you give more to get more, which is suggested in the above passage. It is a distortion, but sadly is widely believed.  Close to half of Christians in America believe it, as do some 96% of Christians in Nigeria and 82% in India. It is a false gospel, and those who teach it are false leaders.

It is such a big problem, that MentorLink was asked by its international leaders to address false leaders in its materials, the prosperity gospel being one of several false doctrines.

Return to the principle above:  We should be less quick to possess and more willing to give.  I learned that lesson early in my walk with the Lord.  I read Randy Alcorn’s The Treasure Principle many years ago. It still shapes my thinking today.

Randy lays out several principles on stewardship: 

• God owns everything. It is my job to manage it.
• My heart follows where I put God’s money.
• My home is in heaven, not earth.
• I should live for the “-“ [dash] not for the “.” [dot]. The dash represents eternity, and the dot represents my life here on earth.
• The antidote for materialism is giving more.
• God’s prosperity in my life is not to raise my standard of living but to raise my standard of giving.

Where most people fail in observing these principles is on the first one:  we fail to admit that our assets, resources, gifts and talents are not ours to possess. We hold them too tightly in our hands and we spend a lot of effort to acquire and build bigger barns than we need.

The last two years has been instructive – both for me and for many of my friends.  I learned how Covid impacted the world in ways that were not easy to see. Most news about the Pandemic was about the numbers of those getting ill, hospitalized or deaths.

In the developing world, however, most cultures are cash cultures.  Credit cards or checks are not widespread.  If a church doesn’t meet, the offerings cease. That means pastors don’t get paid.  I discovered pastors in the developing world had no food and were starving – literally. Most countries don’t have safety nets for them.

It started with my friend Sam Sunder Singh who runs New Life Community College in Chennai, India. I sent him a small gift for his ministry. His responded by asking if he could share it with 12 pastors and their families that had no food.  1,000 rupees would buy two weeks of food for a pastor and his family – often an intergenerational family.  That’s only $13. The picture above shows Sam distributing food to a pastor.

He had some left over and wanted to know if he could give some to his students who likewise had no food to eat.  I said of course, but it struck me that my small gift was being multiplied and that Sam was really the one with the generous heart. He could have kept it, but he gave sacrificially to others in greater need.

I asked around through the MLI network and found other pastors in sub-Saharan Africa and the Philippines were also suffering a lack of food. The needs were beyond my ability to solve on my own, but I have a lot of friends who were quick to jump in and help. 

In a short time, checks started appearing in my mailbox. The gifts are not tax deductible, although I am working on that. I had to figure out the logistics of transferring money abroad in a safe and inexpensive way.  I tried various platforms, and finally got to one that was easy to use and didn’t charge big fees. 

I have raised over $30,000 for these humanitarian needs – partly from the MentorLink family and part from a long standing men’s bible study started by Danny Lotz 40 years ago. Danny was Billy Graham’s son-in-law.  

Because our Friday bible study went to Zoom for months, I suggested that many of my international friends join in the Bible study which meets every Friday morning at 7 am. For the Internationals, depending on where they are, that meant noon in West Africa, 3 pm in East Africa and 4 pm in India. 

The result is that my friends have been embraced as our international brothers and vice versa.  Had we not gone to Zoom during a pandemic, it wouldn’t have happened. 

There are many takeaways from this, but the principle of generosity comes to mind – not just by my many friends, but by and through the pastors in the MLI network who have been the hands and feet in distributing our gifts to those most in need. Some of their reports brings tears to my eyes – pictures of them giving food to the really needy in their region.  

Getting back to the Treasure Principle – I keep learning that it’s not mine to keep but mine to give away, and my friends have realized that, too. These are principles that need to be taught to the next generation who all too often are too self-centered in their own little cosmos.

MENTOR TAKEAWAY:  Being a living example of generosity to others is important for a mentor to communicate to a mentee.  

FURTHER READING: 

The Dangers of the Prosperity Gospel – Clyde Chan

False Leaders – MentorLink

The Treasure Principle – An Excerpt

WORSHIP:  I Don’t Have Much – Taylor Leonhardt (a friend of mine).

For more information about MentorLink, go to www.mentorlink.org.

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96 Times/Day

My son, pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words. Proverbs 4:20

You might wonder what this title is about.   It’s not about breathing – that number is an astonishing 22,000 times a day. It’s about the number of times per day that an average adult in America checks their phone.  That’s about once every 10 minutes according to a recent survey by Asurion.

That number is up 20% from just two years ago in a similar survey.  This increase is interesting and is despite almost half of Americans are trying to reduce using their phones.  For Gen Z (those 18 to 24), the number is twice the rest of adults.  I’ll do the math for you:  that means they check it every 5 minutes, and that’s just the average. Some do it more.

Reminds me of the line from the NASA during the  Apollo 13 space mission:  “Houston, we’ve had a problem here.”  For Baby Boomers (the eldest of whom are 75), texting is now the predominant form of communication rather than an actual phone call.

A post on Jolene Erlacher’s website pointed out the hazard in relying on texting as a primary means of communication. Texting creates the potential for miscommunication.  It might be an easy platform to communicate on but autocorrect, wrong punctuation or using an emoji can imply something unintended. Those miscommunications are best solved in real face to face conversations.

For Gen Z, the smartphone is a gateway to apps like TicTok where they average 52 minutes a day and check it around 20 times a day. And that’s just one app, not the other social media platforms or texting. 

According to the Asurion survey,  9 out of 10 adults get offended when someone looks at their phone when they are having a conversation.  I would be one of those, too, although 1 in 5 adults admit doing it. Put that down as digital rudeness. 

We often don’t think about how we have gravitated into addiction of our phones.  For many, it is the means of most of our communication.  For others, it is FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out.

I just got my wife an Apple Watch, and in writing this post, realized that, while it may be good in some ways, it is always on her wrist. At least with her cellphone, she put it down (or often, misplaced it) periodically.  I would have said that she clearly did not average 96 times a day. Now that she has the watch, I’m not so sure that she is under the average. 

Whether you are an adult or the next generation, one has to step back and determine when is this obsession with our phones too much?  I remember when cell phones first came on the scene.  I spent my livelihood on the phone at my office, or so it seemed.  When I got in my car at the end of the day, I was grateful for uninterrupted peace and quiet.  Turning on the radio to listen to music was much more soothing. 

That was before cellphones, of course. Now I have a Bluetooth connection to my phone in my car and can even dictate texts if I want to.  No more peace and quiet unless I turn off the phone.

I learned the hard way that not everything is an emergency, and that handling something the next day was perfectly fine with my clients.  I told clients that when I was on vacation, I would not answer phone calls or emails.  If it was an emergency, I would respond, but I made it clear that it was only an emergency if someone was going to die, which is pretty rare in the commercial real estate business.

The point of this is that we need to put limits on intrusions and in the age where the phone is tethered to our wrist. We might need to consider some ways to limit its intrusiveness and the possibility of miscommunication.  This is true for all adults and their mentees.

Your iPhone tracks your usage and even sends you a message each week as to how this week’s usage stacks up against your average. It’s a reminder that I am using the phone a lot more than I thought.  At a minimum, there  are three disciplines that I would encourage all to try to do, as suggested by James Emory White.  

For one day, try not to check your phone during these three circumstances:

1. When you are having a one on one conversation.
2. When you are in a meeting or in a group context.
3. Any time you are with your family for any meal or outing.   

As parents and mentors, these are habits that we need to teach to the next generation.  How often have you sat in a restaurant and seen a family at one table not talking to each other, but each one looking at their smartphone.  The answer is, of course, too often.  

While we may not be able to curb excess use of cellphones, we can and should insist that the user not do it in places where it is seen as rude or impertinent to others. For many in the next generation, I’m willing to be no one ever told them that before.

MENTOR TAKEAWAY:  The takeaway is obvious. When you meet with your mentee you need to be conscious of not checking your phone. It is distracting and conveys a message that what he or she is saying is not important.

FURTHER READING:

Americans Check Their Phones 96 Times a Day – Asurion

New App to Prevent Health Problems from Texting Too Much – 

You’ll Never Believe What You Do 96x a Day – Church and Culture

How Texting Leads to Miscommunication –  Podcast

WORSHIP:  Grace to Grace – Hillsong

For more information about MentorLink, go to www.mentorlink.org.

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