Maturity

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Tell it to your children, and let your children tell it to their children, and their children to the next generation. Joel 1:3

A rainy day has prompted to write anew on issues facing the next generation in a post-covid world. This particular post was inspired by the writing of Tim Elmore who did a 3-part series on handicaps facing children and teens. I will dig into some of his points which are instructive as to what our kids face. In his first post, Elmore makes the following observations:

EXPOSURE IS UP. EXPERIENCE IS DOWN

Exposure to tablets is way up – 9 of 10 preschoolers are on a tablet by age 4. At the same time, parents have removed activities where risk-taking is part of the experience, even such as exploring on their own, walking to a community park or even riding bikes outside of the neighborhood. The solution? Elmore suggests that parents make plans to try new things which are age appropriate but may be unpredictable. Even allowing a child to travel without parents or drive a car as soon as it is legal.

STIMULATION IS UP. CRITICAL THINKING IS DOWN.

Almost the entire internet experience is designed to stimulate, from pinging of smartphones, text messages, alerts, or whatever. Those “interruptions” actually breed a numbness where we rely on them rather than take time to reflect on our own. The latter leads to critical thinking where we analyze or “evaluate an idea without the input of someone else.” According to a published study, seventy percent of Americans do not think on their own, and the same number don’t know basic facts about their country.

I find such statistics troubling, because an uninformed public can be pushed into doing or thinking things which are contrary to our founding values, and it doesn’t bode well for our future. Thinking and action is shaped for our kids by media and other sources. Our kids have become “imitators not originators”.

Elmore suggests solutions which involve building margin into kid’s lives. Have them sit down and discuss their daily conversations, experiences, news stories and classes and help them process how to think about them. My son in law does something at the dinner table. He asks his kids to share a rose and a thorn. The rose is a good experience of the day and why it was good. The thorn is the flip side of something that was unpleasant.

CONNECTIONS ARE UP. COMMUNITY IS DOWN.

Connecting through technology is not the same as in person. “81% of households have at least one device connected to the internet constantly.” Elmore cites a teen who met a girl online, “dated” her online, and actually broke up online. Social media may provide connection, but it is also a source of “feelings of being left out, anxiety, depression and social isolation”.

33 state’s Attorney Generals have sued Meta for knowingly causing harm to children’s mental health. That list is now 42 states who have joined. I raised the alarm years ago in several posts about the troubling side effects of social media. Unfortunately, the damage has been done to a generation of kids.

Social media causes loneliness – replacing face to face interactions with a screen is not a relationship, and some “61 percent of young people (ages 18-25) feel miserable degrees of loneliness” according to Elmore. He suggests that parents impose restrictions and boundaries on devices. Even schools are getting into the act by limiting cell phones in classes. Take time to meet face to face with your child, mentee grandchild to promote active conversations and discussions. Additionally, find like-minded parents and develop times of community by doing things together.

Opportunity is up. Risk taking is down.

A high per centage of the next generation (70%) want to be an entrepreneur in a world and culture where there are lots of opportunities. Unfortunately, this is the most risk-adverse population. “Generation Z faces an unprecedented behavioral health crisis, according to a study by McKinsey [a large consultancy).” Some of the blame can be placed on bad parenting such as the “helicopter” parents” or “lawn mower parents” who have denied their kids the opportunity to try things on their own and the opportunity to experience failure.

The solution is not to recklessly let them go. Instead, mentor them (or better, find someone to mentor them) on making decisions and evaluating risks and benefits of their decisions. Learning to do Critical thinking is a skill that will help them throughout life.

Anxiety is Up. Activity is down.

Even before the Covid Pandemic, we noticed an increase of anxiety and loneliness which was similar to what we saw in millennials (ages 25-43). “Anxiety is up 300 percent. Depression is up 400 percent…every single mental illness, every behavioral problem, including substance abuse in older kids is going through the roof.” While there is no one single cause, one thing that is noticeable is that a sedentary lifestyle has taken over from activity of any kind. Sitting in front of a screen blocks out participating in sports or other activities. Elmore notes that we all know when kids are active, chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and most of all, endorphins are released.” Those result in feel good emotions.

An obvious solution is to help them balance mental with physical activity. Not everybody is going to be a soccer star or number one on a tennis team, but participating in any activity provides long term and short- term benefits. With today’s technology, kids can run while listening to a podcast or music. Other parents take walks with their kids which encourages conversations and lets them unpack their day. In either event, they need to be encouraged to be active.

Instant gratification is up. Resilience is down.

Resilience is really the ability to absorb setbacks on your path to success. It is related to the ability to be patient and wait for results, not just immediate satisfaction. When you don’t see immediate results, you learn. Resilience is the ability to bounce back from bumps in the road or hardships, and it is only learned from actual experience.

The antidote is pretty straightforward. Try and put your child in situations where they have delayed gratification. “Caring adults must introduce scenarios where young people must work and wait for what they want.” And be an encourager along the way.

MENTOR TAKEAWAY

You can be that sideline encourager. We can’t change the past, but we can help future generations into “health, balance and leadership.”

FURTHER READING

42 States Sue Meta Over Kids Mental Health

Un-Social Media –

Lawn Mower Parents

Helicopter Parents

Growing Leaders – Elmore

WORSHIP: Build My Life – Passion